I know this post seems so late, but it’s been in my heart lately and I just couldn’t keep this to my own self , I feel the urge to write this on my blog, just in case if I open this post someday , I know I am strong and I manage to win 2018 😀
2017 was a year when I learned a lot. Some of you might know what happened to me and my life, some of you not. I am not gonna share about my privacy and so on, but I just want to share that I am hurt and loved at the same time. Happiness and sadness, ups and downs, laughs and tears, breakups and makeups, been with me throughout last year.
I keep asking to my own self , who I want to be? what kind of person I want to become ? what should I do for my future? am I gonna be that woman I’ve always dreamed of ? Can I make everyone happy? and is this the life I really want to live? I’ve never felt this before, but well.. I guess it’s the sign when you’re getting mature and finally understand what real life is
Time passed, yet I haven’t found my answer. I tried so many things , I explored new places and experiences, I met many faces I never saw before, and sometimes, I challenged my self to be completely different someone, just for one purpose, I want to find the answer to my own doubts, my own questions.
I keep trying and trying, running here and there. One day , I realize that this is so emotionally exhausting. I will never be happy and feel good enough to my own self no matter what, while actually, the answer I’ve been dying to find out is RIGHT NOW and RIGHT IN THIS MOMENT.
To be honest, when someone ask me ” what do you want to do in the future? ” unlike my friends that have exact answer like ” a lawyer” or ” a designer” , I don’t have exact words for that. I used to dream of working in fashion retail industry, and somehow I managed to make it, but since that I’ve achieved it, my dreams changed. Now that I know for sure, I want to do other things, I want to try to live and work abroad.
I settled my heart to someone for a very long time , I dreamed of the good future with him, turns out reality is different than what I expected. We had to go on our own path. There was a moment when I feel like no one loves me and able to accept me for who I am, but then, when I try to open my heart and my mind, see things from different point of view, I know that there are so many people who sincerely care to me. The thought that love is something to deal with status is just not for me anymore. I find real loves in my families, friends, workmates, church communities and even from the people I just met or knew by simply hearing ” don’t forget to have your lunch” from them.
All these things, remind me that being grateful for what you have IN THE MOMENT is so important. Living my life each day the way I want to be, I slowly know what step I want to take. The existence of people who have been there through rainbows and storms make me realize that love came in any way and shape. If I am happy, they will also be happy. The idea of successful woman I’ve always had on my mind, is not about someone with her dream job anymore. Regardless what kind of settle job I will have in the future, I just want to spread happiness and positive vibes to others. I want to be that someone that “because of you, I didn’t surrender and I finally make it”
One month have passed already, a proof that life keeps going on. Some broken things are stay broken. When you realize things are better that way, it’s easier for you to finally let that go and move on. Without all that happened in the past, I wouldn’t be here and still standing strong. I believe good things are on the way. I want to be happy virus and someone people can count on. If you feel you need someone to talk to, know that I will always be there for you guys! Now, cheers for a better job, someone better that I can share my love with (and taller LOL), and happiness and health to people around.
HAPPY BELATED NEW YEAR everyone, may you find your own answer on 2018! I wish nothing but happiness and luck be with you and your loved one!
Thanks for reading!